Better Than This?
by Saoirse Mooney
Summary: Eustace sees everything, but understands nothing.


Filmverse, set on Dragon Island before Eustace becomes endragoned. There's canon-era-typical homophobia, although I think Eustace, at this point in the canon, is his own advance warning. This is an experiment in First Person POV. As always, characters you recognise belong to C. S. Lewis.

* * *

We've a list a mile long of things to do, and half a day to get it done and us back aboard ship. At least, I _think_ that's what Caspian said. I often find it difficult to hear him when he says things because he has his attention focussed on Edmund most of the time and can't even be bothered to look at me when he says them.

I don't know why they made me come along. All right, maybe I do; I was miserable on that ship with all those stupid animals that talk for no logical reason. But that doesn't mean I know whatever it is they're looking for; I know _nothing_ about this wretched place. What I know, though, because I've seen it with my own eyes, is how Caspian doesn't seem able to concentrate on anything at the moment apart from his terrible attempts at flirting with my cousin. Edmund appears to be as obsessed with Caspian, in return, and both of them (along with Lucy) have forgotten I exist. Then again, if what I've seen of them on this bizarre trip of ours so far is anything to go by, Caspian and Edmund pay so little attention to anything or anyone other than each other the universe could shrink to the size of the two of them and they wouldn't bloody notice.

Today's as good an example as any of what I mean. We landed, on the beach of whatever island this is we're on, and it then seemed to take the pair of them ages to drag their eyes off each other and give me something to do. Not, of course, that I intend to do it. Neither of them is Harold or Alberta, and so they have no right to tell me what to do. _Especially_ not Edmund. If he hadn't been so busy flirting with Caspian I'd have said so.

(And I can't imagine what his parents would have to say if they found out about this; if it weren't for the fact nobody seems to be interested in finding me a British Consul, I'd have been able to send them a telegram and let them know. Edmund wouldn't be laughing and joking about anything _then_ , would he? No.)

Sometimes I swear Edmund has a stake in making sure I look as stupid as possible; thinking about it makes me so angry I want to spill the beans about him to anyone who might be in a position to do something about it. People of his sort, at home, are sent to prison; I've heard Harold and Alberta talking about it when they think I can't hear them. Maybe if someone sent Edmund to prison, I'd at least be rid of him for good. _And_ he'd deserve it.

Frustrating as it is, I can see why Edmund does it. If _I_ look stupid, _he's_ made to look good in comparison. And _that_ impresses Caspian; I bet that's Edmund's motivation for this, at least, if not everything else he does at the moment. I think he's laying it on too thick, to be honest, because it's already clear he's Caspian's favourite. Caspian doesn't seem capable of taking his eyes off Edmund just now and this, I presume, is what Edmund's counting on. He's also counting on my having no backbone and just letting him use me for his own ends without so much as a by your leave, and I don't like it. I like nothing about what Edmund's doing at the moment, or whatever it is he wants to get out of Caspian; it has to _stop_.

I haven't forgotten Narrowhaven, either. Caspian was standing there, between the two of us, making it appear it was a big choice he had to make, deciding which of us he'd leave behind to guard the place and which of us he was taking with him. I'm not stupid, no matter what anybody thinks about me, and I knew it wasn't ever going to be me. It's not me Caspian's in love with, after all (and I'm not even sure _he_ knows he's in love with Edmund. From what I've seen of him so far, he seems to be obtuse about things of that nature; this would almost amuse me, if I didn't have to watch him.)

If what I've seen of late continues, I think it will always be Edmund, for Caspian; and there he goes, running after Edmund as if he can't bear to be apart from him any longer than necessary. I can't imagine it will take Caspian much longer before he figures out the truth, obtuse or not, and I suspect Edmund won't be far behind him. Whenever it happens, I don't want to be stuck in that cabin with them after they've worked it out; disgusting as them touching each other is as a concept, I'm not stupid enough to think it won't happen.

Every night I'm here, I wish with all my heart that when I wake up in the morning I'll be back home in my room in Cambridge. But, much as I want that to happen, wishing for it hasn't produced results so far and, unless something drastic changes things, I doubt it'll produce results any time soon. I might as well cut my losses and do something about the situation I'm stuck in here, instead. I could, for example, do a lot worse than take a walk around here and see what I can find out for myself now Drinian (I don't like him, or the way he looks at me) is out of the way and Caspian and Edmund are distracted by each other.

Half a day, Caspian? That's plenty of time for me to find myself something better than _this_.


End file.
